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Dad's vocabulary affects child's language skills

In families where both parents work outside of the home, fathers who use a wide variety of words when chatting with their children may be strengthening their youngsters' language skills, a new study shows.

Researchers who watched 2-year-olds interacting with their parents found that the more diverse vocabulary a dad used in these encounters, the more highly developed the child's language skills were at age 3. "It seems to be important for fathers to be talking to their kids and to be using a variety of words to their child," Nadya Pancsofar, a graduate research assistant at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and study co-author.

» Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 2006

The Top Ten Surprises of Fatherhood

Every new dad has his life changed. We count the ways. At some point not long after the baby is born, just about every new father gets hit with a sharp jolt of reality: he's a father--with new responsibilities, new pressures, new expectations to live up to. For some of us, this seemingly basic little epiphany comes early, before we leave the hospital. But for others, reality may not hit for a few days. Sooner or later, though, we all come to realize that our lives have changed forever. Sometimes the changes are subtle, sometimes not so subtle. But they're almost always surprising.

1. You may be confused.
   If there's one thing that sets the first few months of fatherhood apart from the net few years it's the confusing and often conflicting emotions you may feel. On the one hand there's the virility, power, and pride at having created a new life. On the other, the feelings of helplessness when you can't satisfy (or sometimes even understand) your baby's needs.
2. You'll discover a new and different kind of love.
   There's no comparing the all-consuming love you'll have for your child with the love you have for any other person. Maurice Sendak may have captured the feeling better than any other writer in a scene from Where the Wild Things Are where the monsters plead with Max not to leave them: Please don't go, they say. We'll eat you up we love you so.
3. You'll feel ambivalence.
   One day, completely out of the blue, you'll look at your baby and realize that the intense passion you felt just the day before has been replaced by a numb, hollow feeling. Do you know this child? Do you care? You'll feel like bagging this whole dad thing and starting a new life somewhere else. Chances are the very next thing you'll feel is incredible guilt at having had these feelings in the first place. After all, if you aren't head-over-heels in love your child 100% of the time you're not a good father, right? Wrong. Ambivalence is a perfectly normal part of being a dad and you're going to have the same feelings dozens of times over the next 50 years. So get used to it now.
4. You may get depressed.
   Yep, it's true. Even though most people think that postpartum blues are a women's thing, plenty of guys get depressed after their babies are born. Our blues, though, aren't hormonally based like our partners', but may, in fact, have more to do with returning to reality. When you were an expectant and brand new dad, people paid more attention to you and probably cut you a little slack. But after a few weeks it's back to the grid at work, plus you've got to deal with all the bills, the sleep interruption, and the extra laundry at home. That's enough to depress anyone.
5. You'll be afraid.
   The first few months of fatherhood are simply littered with fears: that you won't be able to live up to your expectations of what it means to be a father; that you might not be able to protect your child or your family from harm, that you won't be able to adequately provide for your family, that you don't know what to do with your child, that you'll be too much--or not enough--like your own father, that you've made a horrible mistake. These fears and many others are a completely normal part of making the transition from man and husband to father. Some will go away as your skills increase, others will go away with time. But sooner or later they almost all go away.
6. Your relationship with your partner will change.
   Before you became parents, you and your partner spend a lot of time together, nurturing each other and making your relationship stronger. But once your baby shows up everything changes: now the focus of just about every thing you do is on your baby. You barely have time to sleep let alone do the things that brought you and your partner together in the first place. If at all possible, try to carve out some time, even if it's only a few minutes a day, to spend talking with your partner--about something other than the baby.
7. You'll take your baby's opinions a little too seriously.
   For the first six to eight weeks of life, your baby probably won't give you much feedback about how you're doing as a father: no smiles, no laughing, not much response in any way at all. In fact, just about all he'll do is cry. It's very easy to take your baby's lack of enthusiasm as some kind of referendum on your worth as a dad. Don't. If you back off, your baby will too. So hang in there for a little longer--it's well worth the wait.
8. You'll learn new ways of being loved.
   Over the next few months, as you learn to master your baby's cues and meet his needs, your baby will learn to love you--and to express that love in the most amazing ways. And the first time that your baby coos as you or hugs you or falls asleep on your chest absentmindedly stroking your shoulder you'll discover the true meaning of life.
9. Your baby will teach you about planning and flexibility.
   Before you became a parent getting ready to leave the house meant grabbing your wallet and car keys and making sure the oven was off. But now, going on a trip to the grocery store with your baby in two takes as much planning as an expedition to Mt. Everest. That's assuming that your baby doesn't fill her diaper two or three times just as you're walking out the door.
10. You'll talk about very different things than you used to.
    If someone would have told you a year ago that you'd be willingly participating in long discussions with your friends about projectile vomit, leaky breasts, episiotomies, and the color and consistency of the contents of a diaper, you'd have laughed yourself silly. But you're doing it, right? And you're loving it too.

7 Lessons Learned From The Front Lines Of Stay At Home Dad

While the benefits and rewards of staying home with the girl vastly outweigh the downside, there are a few things I wish I would have know about being a stay at home Dad before I walked down this path. In the interest of helping other men decide whether this lifestyle is for them, I offer these 7 tips for men who might be contemplating staying at home.

1. Lower Expectations.
   When my wife and I first started discussing reducing my work hours to spend a few days a week at home with the girl, I naively envisioned scenes of the girl colouring away contentedly at her play table while I whiled away the day completing a thousand different projects for a hundred different clients. HA! In retrospect, I can see now why some people had funny little grins on their faces when I told them my plan. They were the parents. They knew better.
2. Let Dirty Dishes Lie.
   Just because you are at home with the kids doesn’t mean you have to be a “homemaker”. To me, this is like a complete flipping of traditional family roles – roles that women successfully banished to the dustbins of history long ago. I never expected my wife to have the house spotless and dinner made when I was working fulltime and she was home with the girl, and fortunately she doesn’t expect the same. However, when my adventure began, I was surprised to find myself feeling guilty for not having a meal ready when Mom got home, and it took awhile to lose the guilt associated with having a fireplace mantel coated with dust. That’s not to say I don’t do any housework or cook a meal - far from it. But realize that just because you are at home doesn’t mean you need to revert to the traditional role of a “homemaker”. Being a stay at home Dad, like being a stay at home Mom, is not synonymous with being the primary homemaker. It’s still the responsibility of the entire family to make sure a household runs smoothly.
3. Routine, Routine, Routine.
   Oh my goodness, how much simpler life is when you have a daily routine. Everyone knows what is expected, first and foremost the girl. She craves structure, and the days where we deviate from the routine tend to be difficult days. To combat this, we have settled into a rhythm that seems to work for us. We are not ruled by the clock, but we certainly go out of our way to keep the structure of the day similar from day to day.
4. Plan Events for Outside the House.
   Much like breaking our routine, the days when the girl and I stay at home all day tend to be hard days. I think this is because the girl needs stimulation. A toddler’s need for stimulation is second only to their need to breath. So I try to plan an outside the house activity every day. Fortunately the girl is at the age where everyday things still feel like an adventure, so sometimes a simple ride on a transit bus downtown and back suffices for her daily adventure. I’ve also found that doing our outside the house activity in the morning makes for an easier transition to nap time in the early afternoon, so most of our activities are morning activities.
5. Build a Support System.
   I’ve found that being a stay at home parent can be a lonely, isolating experience, and I think this goes double for men simply because the infrastructure and support is not there for us (yet). Among my friends, there are not many Dads doing the stay at home thing, so I can’t exactly pick up the phone and chat with them when I need a pick me up. I sometimes get lonely. I’ve tried playgroups and find that, while the girl has a great time, they are overwhelmingly dominated by Moms and I am often seen as a bit of an outsider. So, on the days I feel lonely the girl and I will meet Mom at work for lunch, or I sometimes do call up one of the other Moms in our circle of friends for a walk or coffee. But to be honest, this is one I am still working on.
6. Feed Me!
   As obvious as this sounds, I can’t believe how long it took me to make the connection between the girls mood swings and her blood sugar level. Toddlers need to eat and eat often. While I am good with 3 squares and the occasional piece of fruit throughout the day, the girl needs a more even flow of food. She is an eating machine and since I’ve figured out that the vast majority of her mood swings are tied to her hunger level, her attitude and moods have really evened out. So the girl eats like a Hobbit - breakfast, tenzies, elevenzies, lunch, onezies, etc..
7. Slow Down and Live in the Moment.
   One of the amazing things about the girl is that she forces me to slow down and re-examine the everyday world because the everyday world is so new and exciting for her. We can spend an hour walking around the block, which may sound about as exciting as watching paint dry, but trust me, through a toddlers eyes the world is a pretty interesting place. So I make a point of moving at the girl’s pace. And since I have long ago lowered my expectations (#1) and exorcised my inner homemaker demon (#2), I can free my mind to help the girl separate the red leaves from the yellow leaves on the front lawn.

There you go. 7 lessons learned from the front lines of stay at home daddydom. So, what about you? If one of your buddies came up to you and said “I’m thinking of taking some time off work to stay at home with my kid,” what piece of advice would you give them?
Via: dadventure.ca

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